The Cookie Intervention
by bookworm4497
Summary: In which Robin walks in on the team eating pre-packaged cookies and stages a cookie-intervention. Because something is obviously wrong here. Now added- Team actually meets Agent A, but don't really know it's him so they don't know they should be peeing their pants. A is awesome, of course, and Robin is a troll.
1. Chapter 1

Ok, so apparently today is attack of the one-shots day. Seriously, two in one day when I should be working on my ongoing stories. Oh well. Hope you enjoy this one!

Pre-Invasion, duh.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything.

* * *

_Recognized: Robin, B-02_

Robin's form materialized in the entrance to the zeta-tube as he walked forward.

"Where is everyone?" He muttered, looking around at the empty room. He heard voices coming from the kitchen and used his ninja-skills to make his way over silently, planning on surprising them. Making the Team jump was always fun. But when he entered the kitchen, he froze, faced with a horrifying sight. He let out a shocked gasp, making the rest of the team turn to look at him where he was standing, wide eyed, in the doorway.

"Robin? Is something wrong?" Megan asked, concerned. Artemis rolled her eyes. "Nothing bad is happening, ninja-boy."

"You… you…" Robin stammered. "You're eating COOKIES FROM A PACKAGE!"

The team exchanged incredulous looks. "I do not see what the problem is." Kaldur said gently. Robin stared at him. "You don't see what… guys, you're breaking the number one rule of the Batclan!"

"I thought that was don't leave home with your utility belt." Conner muttered. Robin shook his head. "No, that's the number one Bat-rule. The number one rule of the Batclan is never, EVER, eat cookies from a package. Even if you're dying from starvation."

"That seems a little harsh." Artemis muttered.

"But, what's the difference? Between the rules, I mean." Megan asked, confused.

"Bat-rules are for the Bats that go out into the field." Robin explained. "So, me and Batman. Rules of the Batclan, however, are applicable to anyone who is associated with the Bats. So me, Bats, A, my siblings, Catwoman, Dr. Thompkins…"

"Why is Catwoman included in that?"

"You have siblings?"

Robin ignored the questions. "And, since you guys are my team, you're included in it too. Kinda."

Artemis huffed. "I don't get what the big deal is. Cookies are cookies are cookies, right?"

Suddenly, she felt the full force of the Robinglare. "_Never _say that." He growled. Then he sighed. "That's it, you guys need an intervention." He whipped out his cell phone. "Wally? Yeah, meet me at my house in 2 minutes. I'm staging an intervention. What? No, it's not about you and Artemis, though that's a good idea. No, it's a cookie intervention. Uh-huh. From a package. I know, right? I'm gonna call A, but I'll need someone to help bring the containers. Yup. See you in a minute."

Without another word to the team, he spun on his heel and rushed out of the room, dialing another number on his phone. They heard the zeta-tube go off, announcing his departure.

Artemis blinked. "What just happened?"

Alfred was in the kitchen of the Manor, preparing dinner, when the door burst open and a blur rushed in. "Master Wallace, please, no powers in the house." The blur screeched to a halt, revealing the young speedster. "Sorry, Alfie. Is Dick here yet?"

Alfred raised an eyebrow. "I was under the impression that he was in the Mountain with the team." "Well, yeah, but he told me to come here and meet him." Wally explained. A voice interrupted him. "We're staging an intervention." Alfred turned to regard the young man who had appeared in the doorway curiously. "Dare I ask?"

Dick smirked at him. "The team," He announced dramatically, "was eating cookies out of a package." Wally let out gasp of horror. "And then, to make matters worse, Artemis as good as told me that she thought that they were _good._" "Oh, dear." Alfred said seriously, with a twinkle in his eyes. "Whatever shall we do?"

"We're staging an intervention, I told you. Can you whip up some cookies?"

"Of course." Alfred said, moving to grab the necessary ingredients from the pantry. "After all, I would hate for your team to suffer the horrors of packaged, machine-made cookies. I shudder to think what sort of cookies they have been subjected to in the past." He shook his head, muttering under his breath. "Pre-made cookies, really. What are they thinking?"

"Exactly." Dick beamed, bringing a mixing bowl to the counter. "Which is why they need help, fast. Wally, get out of the kitchen."

"What?! Why?"

"Rule of the Batclan number 10, NEVER let anyone get even a glimpse of the secret, sacred chocolate-chip cookie recipe.

Rule of the Batclan number 15, Make sure Wally is not in a position where he can blow up/set Manor on fire. This means banishing him from the kitchen whenever the oven or stove is being used. No exceptions."

"Dude! What kind of rule is that?"

"Well, after the sandwich incident…"

"I _still _don't know how I did that." Wally mused, thinking back. Honestly, he'd just put a grilled cheese sandwich on the stove, and then the fire alarm was going off.

"Dude, no one does." Dick smirked. "Regardless, you are not allowed in the kitchen now. Out! We need to get these cookies ready for the intervention!"

"Alright, alright!" Wally zipped off. A few moments later, Dick and Alfred heard the video game in Dick's room starting up. They exchanged amused looks and got down to baking.

_Recognized: Robin, B-02_

_Recognized: Kid Flash, B-03_

As the two figures appeared in the room, the rest of the team gathered in front of the Zeta-tube. They were curious to find out what had happened after Robin had rushed out like that. He was obviously up to something.

Artemis crossed her arms in front of her. "I still don't get what the problem is." She announced.

"You will." Robin answered as he walked forward with Wally following close behind. Both were carrying several containers.

"What's in the containers?" Conner asked.

"Heaven." Wally smirked. He sped past them and into the kitchen. Robin hurried behind him. The team glanced at each other before following.

They sat down at the counter like Robin and Wally told them to. Robin reverently set one container down in front of them and looked at them seriously.

"This, is an intervention. You obviously need help if you are eating packaged cookies- and enjoying them. Furthermore, Artemis, your comment about cookies was downright scandalous. Haven't you ever had a homemade cookie?"

"No." Artemis glared at him.

Robin seemed shocked. "Seriosly?" She nodded, still glaring. "Well, that explains a bit." He muttered. He looked over at the others. "Have you guys ever had homemade chocolate chip cookies?"

"I've had Megan's" Superboy pointed out.

"That doesn't count." Robin waved the thought away. "No offense, Miss M. Jeez, you guys really needed an intervention. Why didn't I do this sooner."

Wally nodded in agreement. "Seriously guys, that's just sad."

"OK, what is the big deal?!" Artemis demanded. Wally and Robin looked at her, looked at each other, nodded. Robin leaned forward and took the lid off of the container. Immediately, a mouth-watering aroma drifted up. It was, quite frankly, the best thing any of the teens present had ever smelled. Lying inside the container were a dozen warm, delicious looking chocolate-chip cookies. They were a perfect golden color and the chocolate chips were still warm and melty. They looked amazing.

"These," Robin said solemnly, "are the best cookies on earth, or any other planet for that matter. Even Ma Kent can't bake cookies like these. Once you eat one, there's no coming back."

The team stared at him, and then stared at the cookies. Wally leaned over to take one from the container. Robin slapped his hand and he yelped, drawing his hand back and staring at Robin with a wounded expression. "Those are for the team." Robin reminded him. "You have your own container. Well?" that was directed at the team. "Take one!"

Hesitantly, Artemis leaned over to take one. She took a small bite. Her eyes widened and she let out a small moan. "Oh, my god. These are _amazing_." "Told you." Robin smirked victoriously. The rest of the team took, and for a few minutes the kitchen was filled with munching and exclamations of pleasure. Robin caught Wally's eye from across the room and grinned; the intervention was a success.

"Who made these?" Megan asked, and then practically begged, "can they teach me to make these? And not burn them?"

"I'll ask, but I'm sure he will." Robin assured her. "Agent A made them."

"Dude, what about Rule of the Batclan number 10?" Wally asked. Robin ignored him.

"Who's Agent A?" Artemis had never heard of him. "Is he a superhero?"

"Oh yes." Robin smirked. "The most powerful of them all."

"Really?" Artemis asked skeptically. "Wouldn't I have heard of him them?"

"Oh, he's not an active, up front hero. He's Batman's dad."

The team's jaws dropped. "Batman's DAD?!"

"Well, legal guardian, technically. But he raised B, and he's practically my grandfather, so…"

"That man is _god." _Wally added.

"He's the only man that Batman answers to, no matter what. He can convince him to eat and sleep. He takes care of food, cleaning, and makes our costumes. _And _his recipe produce the cookies you're eating."

"Wow." Megan whispered. "He sounds scary."

"He is." Robin's grin was razor-sharp. "And the scariest thing is, he doesn't seem it. But when he's annoyed, or angry…" Robin shuddered. "Where do you think Batman learned the Batglare from?"

Ok. Batman's dad was a terrifying idea.

But his cookies were amazing.

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Yeah... I don't know. I thought it would be funny.

REVIEW!


	2. Team meets A

Ok, I swear I meant this for a one shot, but well, this popped into my head, and then the power went out so I had nothing to do but type this up, because I couldn't see my notebook to type Reuniting and I'm just procrastinating with Wayne Manor. Partly because I don't know what to do next. Anyway...

I decided to show when the team meets Alfie. It's mostly in Artemis' POV, because I like her sarcasm :)

Enjoy!

I really don't have a good history with keeping one-shots as one-shots, do I...

DISCLAIMER: I don't own YJ. I don't think I even own the idea, because I'm sure there's another story like this somewhere. Oh well.

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The team had been on a long, tiring mission for almost a week and were, quite frankly, ready to collapse. Which is exactly what they did, once they got back to the cave. No debrief, no dinner even- they just went straight to their rooms and crashed, hard. None of them woke up until late the next day.

Artemis stumbled blearily into the kitchen. Living in Gotham, she was more used to little sleep than most of her teammates, and so woke up before them. The only exception to that was Robin, but he wasn't up yet. She knew that that was because he, after everyone else had already gone to sleep, had sifted through the intel that they had recovered from the mission and extracted what Batman needed from the useless info surrounding it. Only when Batman had received what he needed had the bird gone to bed. Artemis didn't count on him waking up anytime soon.

In any case, she was walking into the kitchen, still half asleep. She stepped through the door and froze.

There was a strange man in the kitchen.

There was also a huge breakfast buffet-thing being assembled on the counter, but that wasn't as important right then, even if she _was _starving.

Back to the man.

He was an elderly man, dressed in a suit with a clean white apron covering his front. He was busily cracking eggs into a mixing bowl, no doubt for the aforementioned breakfast buffet thing. Artemis had never seen him in her life, and had no idea _why he was in a super-secret hero hideout cooking breakfast. _

And of course, since she was the Queen of Eloquent, she ever-so-intelligently said, "Huuuuh?"

Give her a break. She was tired. Week long mission, hello?

The man turned and smiled at her. "Good morning, Miss Artemis." He said pleasantly. "Would you care for some breakfast?"

"Not right now, thanks." She said, eyeing him. The silent _I don't know if you poisoned it _is heard loud and clear.

The man didn't seem to be offended. "You may call me A." He said in his British accent. "Master… Batman asked me to help you this morning. I believe he thought you all would be too tired to cook without posing a safety hazard… to yourself and possibly the entire city."

"Oookaaay." Artemis drew out, still suspicious. The man looked like he would roll his eyes if he wasn't, you know, all gentlemanly and British and stuff. He took out a note from his apron (which, upon closer inspection, had little pink _flowers _on it) and handed it to Artemis. She scanned it quickly.

_Artemis,_

_You can trust him. Eat the food. Ask Robin if you are still skeptical._

It was signed only with a small Bat symbol. Artemis stared at the note. "How did he…"

"Well, given your background, personality, and habits, it would be quite easy to predict that you would prove to be the most suspicious." The man said casually. Artemis blinked at him. "Right…" She sighed. "Sorry, I'm still half asleep. What did you say your name is?"

"You may address me as 'A' for now." The man, A, said kindly. "Toast?"

"Uh, sure." She sat down and accepted a plate which, despite his simple question regarding toast, arrived full of eggs, fruit, sausages, and yes, toast. She stared at it, a little overwhelmed, while trying to remember why the name 'A' seemed familiar. "Um…" She stammered. "I'm pretty sure you just asked about toast. I can't possibly eat all this."

"Nonsense." He said briskly, putting a glass of orange juice in front of her as Megan and Conner wandered, wide-eyed, into the kitchen. "You will every bite, Miss Artemis. I am not letting you leave this kitchen without a proper breakfast." He turned to greet the new arrivals, leaving Artemis wondering whether or not they were facing some kind of British Breakfast villain, note from Batman or no.

Soon, both Conner and Megan were sitting with Artemis as well, eating the most delicious breakfast they had ever tasted and chatting with A. He was very closed mouthed about who he was, but regaled them with various stories of patching up/driving around/cooking for various members of the League. Eventually Kaldur joined them as well. Only Wally and Robin remained asleep, and Robin actually had an excuse. Wally was just lazy.

At long last, Robin entered the kitchen. Unlike all the others, he didn't look tired at all. He seemed just as hyper and cheery as always which Artemis found a little annoying. Just a little.

He stopped short in the doorway, gaping at the man. After a moment, however, a blinding grin spread across his face. "A!" He exclaimed, hurtling over to give the man a hug. "What're you doing here?"

"Master Batman asked me to assist you this morning." A said calmly. "He thought you would be tired after your mission."

"Uh huh." Robin said skeptically. "That's funny, because I'm pretty sure he said that you were never going to come to the cave last week when you suggested this whole thing."

The kitchen went silent. A smiled slightly. "Yes, well." He turned and busied himself with cooking some more eggs.

"But, but- the note!" Artemis burst out.

"What note?"

Artemis handed it to him. Robin looked at it, the looked at her incredulously. "Dude, this isn't even his _handwriting_. We've really got to teach you guys some Detecting 101."

"The signature-"

"How hard is it to draw a bat on a piece of paper?" Robin raised an eyebrow under his mask. "Not very. You're just lucky that A really is a good guy. Speaking of which, Bats is going to flip, A."

"Thank you for the warning, Master Robin, but I am quite sure that I can handle it. Breakfast?"

"In a minute." He darted out of the room. A moment later they heard a crash, a girly scream, and an eerie cackle.

"It seems Master Robin decided to wake Master Wallace up." A remarked. Artemis rounded on him. "You _forged _a note from _Batman?" _

"Yes." He raised an eyebrow at her. "I admit, it was more as a test than anything. You failed dismally."

Artemis gaped at him indignantly as he began to scramble the eggs he had been cracking. By the sheer volume of egg, Artemis assumed they were for Wally.

A second later, Robin reappeared, towing the speedster behind him. "A!" Wally exclaimed, and flashed to A's side to give him a hug. "What're you doing here?"

Artemis had a sense of deja vu.

An hour later, the team was chilling in the main room. A had shooed them out of the kitchen, refusing to let Megan help with the dishes.

_Recognized: Batman, 0-2_

The team looked up as Batman entered the room. Robin grinned at him. "Morning." He said cheerfully. "How was Gotham?"

"There was a conspicuous absence of one 'A'." Batman answered. "I don't suppose you know why that was?"

Robin smirked. "He may or may not be washing dishes in the kitchen after cooking us a huge breakfast." Robin said cheekily.

"Brat." Batman muttered. He walked into the kitchen, and the team heard snatches of a heated debate going on.

"A, you are _not…"_

"Nonsense, Master Batman…"

"Black Canary can take care of…"

"Need someone to take care…"

Finally, Batman walked out of the kitchen, looking frustrated. "Agent A will be visiting every so often to check up on you in the future." He informed them. "A second 'den mother', so to speak." Robin snickered. "He beat you again, didn't he." Batman didn't grace this with a response and swept out of the cave.

Silence filled the room.

"Did… did Batman just lose an argument?"

"I told you." Robin leaned back against the couch cushions. "A is the only one who can boss around the Batman. Rule of the Batclan number 2, although it really should be number 1. In bold with stars surrounding it."

The puzzle pieces fell into place. Robin smirked.

"So, what do you think of Batman's dad?"

Artemis choked on air.

* * *

Yeah... it just kind of happened. Whatever.

REVIEW!


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